I'm Sarah. For years, whenever I started out on a new venture (a blog, a screenname, a message board post) I never used my real name. I made up something cutesy because I was ashamed of it... not of my name, but of my opinions. I wanted to hide behind something, in case my opinion was "wrong." As if an opinion can ever be wrong. But I didn't want to piss anyone off, so I stayed hidden.
I started my first blog when I was... twelve, I think. I didn't use my real name. I made some good friends on there, but I never actually told them my real name. One of them even mailed me a package under my alias. When I was super young, I knew I shouldn't give my name out because a predator could find me, but now that I'm older, I've realized...
A) my first name is pretty darn common, and
B) If you want to find me, go ahead. I'm 20 years old (more personal info!) I am not giving you my address or my phone number. If you want to look up those things and come after me, good luck. You will go to jail, and also to hell, so feel free to take that risk.
C) I'm a writer. Sure, I can have a pen name, but I want my words to be mine. Not anyone else's, and especially not cutiepiesweetiegirl2007's. (No, I never went that far with a screenname... but some of them came close.)
I started this new blog because I wanted to be me. I wanted to post things I felt, things I knew to be true, anything I wanted, without having to feel bad for it. There was an incident when I wrote something under my real name, and a former friend found it and was more than a little annoyed over it. I immediately felt bad and deleted my account on the website. Then... I got mad at myself for feeling bad. Why should I feel bad? Everything I posted was true, and the "friend" knew it. Her name was never referenced in my writing, so the fact that she knew it was her proved that it was true. There was nothing malicious, just facts. If I want to write-- and I do-- then I need to write about what really happens. I'm not going to sugarcoat it anymore, and I'm certainly not going to apologize for opinions or facts. From now on, the only time I apologize is for an accident. And nothing I write is an accident.
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2 comments:
wow!!! reading this blog reminded me of myself!!! at one point i had a problem with people knowing who i am (never gave out my blog sites to people i knew personally) precisely for the same reason you didn't -- i was afraid what people would think. then i created a msn space account...and began blogging there. i was honestly amazed at the comments i received and it made me realize that i don't have to hide. everyone's opinion is simply that -- an opinion. my friends and i don't agree on everything in life...and we have arguments about certain topics, so why should i be worried what they think about my blogs??? that's when i decided no more worries...
Hi Butterfly Grl! =)
I'm glad there's someone else who gets how I feel! One of the main reasons that I knew I needed to get over this is because I write a lot, and I hope to be published someday... so I may as well start getting used to having my name out there now. I hope there will be no more worries for me either! =)
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