People keep telling me I've lost weight. I know I have. A few years ago... well, more than a few now... this would have made me deliriously happy. I say a few because I forget how long it's been. More like five.
Five years ago, I was happy because I was thin. Now I am thin because I am unhappy.
I've been thinking a lot about what might make me happy, but it seems that I trick myself into thinking it's not worth it. Maybe I don't deserve happiness, or I just know that I won't obtain it. Maybe my "glory days" are over. But maybe there's a second chance... if I just let myself take it.
I want to start acting again. I miss it. I know my modeling and pageant days are over, but maybe there's something left for me.
I want to go back to school. I think. I'm scared. But I know it's something I need to do.
I want to move out on my own again.
I want to stop thinking about the people of my past and move on to the people of my future. I hope they're out there and I hope they're good.
I want to keep writing. And I want to publish a book. That may take awhile, but it will happen.
I think these things will make me happy. But the only way to know is to try. I'm scared... but I'll always be scared. I can't let life pass me by while I'm busy being nervous. And I won't.
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2 comments:
Ah, finally a blog that's not about babies or marriage. Not that those are bad but it's not something I can relate to.
Anyways, I like the sincerity behind your posts.
Thank you!
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