So... tomorrow is my first day of observation for my major. And I get to observe at a kindergarten. =) I'm really, really excited. I love little kids and it will be fun to watch them. I would love to teach kindergarten... really anywhere K-2, and probably 3rd would be fine as well. I like older kids, but I love little kids! They're so smart and funny. I just have to make sure I get everything in order... I need my observation journal, my clearances (what a pain, but I have everything I need, I think. Including my TB test results... a TB-free me!) Okay, time to stop rambling about how I heart kids... how creepy do I sound?
More weird dreams lately. I dreamed that I met this guy I used to like and he was wearing a heavy-knit Barbie pink sweater, which was... interesting. I hugged him anyway though, in my dream. I do love me some Barbie pink.
You know, I had all these ideas of how my life was going to be when I grew up. Not so much now, the college years... but later on. I haven't gotten there yet and I already know what is going to happen; or more, what isn't going to happen. I'm not going to have some big happy extended family. I never had that before, and short of marrying into the Duggars (and the cute older one is already taken... sigh) or becoming OctoMom #2, I'm probably never going to have a huge family. Most of the family we have now, they aren't too interested in us. We're basically estranged from one side of our family, and I'm not particularly interested in getting involved with that whole situation. It was never about us 'kids,' they always said, but really it was and it's too late for us now. Other parts of the family are drifting away, for reasons unknown... one aunt seems to hate us and we don't know why. My sweet 'little cousins' (they really aren't little anymore, the oldest is a senior in high school) and their families skipped my graduation party in favor of a country music concert. They didn't call or send a card. Maybe it's not as serious as it seems, but for me, I've long thought that that was their way of telling me that our closeness was over. My other cousins are either older and moving on-- grad school, marriage-- or live so far away from us that we never see them. I don't want to think that this is my fault, and it's not, but I'll say this anyway: I've always felt like if I were prettier or more impressive, the rest of our family would be just a little more interested in me. But I'm not, and they're not. And even my sister and I aren't getting along these days, and I'll never let my father anywhere near my future children, and I just hope my future husband has a big family, because it looks like that's my only shot.
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